Judgement

A day to give the answer you've been putting off.

A reply you haven't sent in ages, a postponed decision, a “should I or shouldn't I” you've dragged out for weeks — today brings an answer. A message or news that makes you look back on the past may also arrive, and today's decisions last a long time.

Send one answer you've put off for over a week before noon today. Whether it's “yes” or “no,” it's better than putting it off.

A day of settling accounts brings self-blame along with it. Look back on the past, but don't put yourself on trial today.

A day of putting off a decision yet again, or of missing today while chewing over past mistakes.

It looks like “I'll answer tomorrow” repeating again today, or replaying all day something you did wrong last week. Saying “it happens” about other people's mistakes while being harsh on your own for days is the face of this day.

If there's a mistake you keep chewing over, write just one line — “so what I'll do differently next time” — and close the book on it. One line is enough to settle the account.

“Why am I always like this?” isn't settling an account; it's a verdict. Today, be an accountant, not a judge.

A time to give a clear answer about the relationship — whether it's a beginning, the next step, or an end.

A relationship that kept postponing “what do we do about us?” gets a decision, and matters with a past romance or an ex are settled, or an unexpected reunion demands an answer. If you're dating, big decisions such as marriage, moving in together, or breaking up are made in this period.

Answer the relationship question you've put off within this month. Before answering your partner, you first have to answer yourself: “What do I want?”

Requests from an ex to get back together often come in this period. Judge whether it's a true calling or lingering attachment by whether the reasons you broke up are gone.

A state of putting off a decision about the relationship, or of blaming yourself for past relationship mistakes and being unable to open up to a new one.

It looks like leaving a relationship ambiguous because “if I decide, I feel like I'll lose something,” or being unable to open your heart to the next person because the last breakup was “my fault.” If you're dating, you may also keep bringing up past fights and putting your partner on trial.

Write down one thing you blame yourself for from a past relationship, and beside it write “their share” too. If only one side is filled in, that's the problem.

A relationship that starts with “I won't make mistakes this time” looks not at the other person but at your past mistakes.

A time to tie off an old relationship or to reconnect it.

You reconcile with a friend who drifted away, make a long-delayed apology, or decide whether to end a relationship or continue it. Contact from past relationships — old classmates, former coworkers — is common, and it may lead to your next opportunity.

If there's someone you need to apologize to, do it within this month. Keep it short — a single “I'm sorry about back then” is enough. The shorter the knot, the better it holds.

If, in a time of settling accounts, you also bring up the other person's past wrongs, reconciliation becomes a trial. Speak only to your own share.

A time of putting off sorting out relationships, or of continually judging yourself or others over the past.

It looks like leaving a relationship in limbo for months, unsure whether to end it or continue, or seeing someone only as “the person who did that back then” because of an old hurt. Conversely, you may regret one thing you said for weeks.

Take one person you've fixed as “the person who did that back then” and ask about who they are now. People change even after a verdict.

Being unable to forgive doesn't punish the other person; it means reliving it yourself every day.

A time when a big decision about marriage is made.

“Should we?” turns into “Let's,” or postponed decisions like registering the marriage, moving, a second child, or remarrying get settled. If you're married, this is a time to take stock of the past few years and set anew “how we'll live from here,” and it's also when spouses forgive each other's past wrongs.

Within this month, set aside time for each of you to share one thing from “the past five years” you're grateful for and one you're sorry about. The plan comes after taking stock.

If you bring up “back then, you…” in a time of decisions, taking stock becomes a trial. The past is for settling, not for sentencing.

A state of postponing a decision about marriage indefinitely, or of a couple unable to move forward because they're trapped in past wrongs.

It looks like putting off marriage for years with “we'll get to it someday,” or saying you forgive your spouse's past wrong (an affair, debt, lies) yet bringing it up again every time. Conversely, there's also the picture of being trapped in your own mistake and growing ever smaller in front of your spouse.

Pick one thing “still unsettled in this marriage,” and set a “day to talk about it.” A reckoning without a date never comes.

The moment you bring up again something you said you'd forgiven, it turns out it wasn't forgiveness but storage.

A time to settle your finances and make big decisions.

You clear debts, decide on a long-postponed sale or purchase of assets, or look back on the past few years of income and spending and change direction. It's also a time when “what you're owed” — overdue settlements, refunds, insurance payouts — gets sorted out.

Settle the past three years of your money in three lines: “earned, spent, left.” Those three lines become your plan for the next three years.

Once the accounts are settled, you'll want to start fresh. Take a second look a month later at any big investment you're tempted to make right after settling up.

A state of putting off money decisions, or of being unable to move while blaming yourself for past losses.

It looks like dragging out money decisions such as cutting losses, selling, or changing jobs for months with “let's see a bit more,” or being unable to make a new plan because you keep chewing over a past investment failure with “I was an idiot.” You may also leave money that needs settling (money you lent, overdue payments) because you can't bring yourself to mention it.

Rewrite a past loss as “one line of what I learned” and close the book on it. Then put a date this month on one postponed money decision.

Self-blame doesn't pay off interest. Decisions do.

A stage of setting a new direction after taking stock and evaluating.

“Sorting out the past and deciding what's next” goes well — post-project reviews, quarterly closings, performance reviews, a pivot in business direction. It's also a time when a big calling arrives — a job change, starting a business, returning to work — and that calling is usually something you've been thinking about for a long time.

Within this quarter, summarize “what to stop, what to continue, what to start” on one page and announce it to your team (or yourself). Taking stock is finished when it's announced.

If you put people on trial in an evaluation, the team will hide things at the next review. Evaluate the work and leave the people standing.

A time when postponed decisions leave the organization adrift, or when it's trapped in blame games over a past failure.

It looks like repeatedly postponing decisions such as a change of direction, staffing adjustments, or winding down a business to “next quarter,” or a team putting one another on trial over who's responsible for a failed project. A leader may also be unable to make the next decision because they're busy blaming themselves for an error in judgment.

Attach a default to any postponed decision: “If we haven't decided by this date, we'll automatically do this.” Decisions with a default don't get postponed.

A meeting that ends with “whose fault was it?” isn't taking stock; it's a trial. End it with “what do we do next?”