The Lovers

It's a day when a moment comes to choose one of two — big or small.

From what to have for lunch to which agenda item to back in a meeting, today brings an unusual number of “which one?” questions. When the answer your head calculates and the answer your heart leans toward first part ways, the latter tends to make the day easier.

Settle one choice you've been putting off before noon. Once it's decided, your afternoon will feel lighter.

“Both” isn't today's answer. If you don't pick one, both will slip away.

It's easy to let the day slip by between two paths without choosing.

The scenes follow one after another: putting off replies, booking two plans at once, pushing things along in meetings with “let's look at it a bit more.” The problem isn't the options but not accepting that you'll lose something whichever way you choose.

Today, first write down “what I can afford to lose.” Then what to choose will become clear.

If you say nice things to both sides, you'll have to explain yourself to both by evening.

It's a time when you confirm that your hearts are turned toward each other.

If you're in something unofficial, the feeling that “this is the one” is there for the other person too; if you're dating, your differences read not as obstacles but as a good combination. It's a good time to put the relationship's next step (making it official, introductions, moving in together) into words.

Define “what are we?” before the other person has to ask. That one line takes the relationship up a level.

Because the attraction is strong right now, things can deepen without your checking each other's values. Asking about views on money, family, and the future now will make things easier later.

Your heart is split in two, or you can't choose when you need to.

It takes the form of being unable to sort things out between two people, or of asking yourself “is this right?” over and over while you're with one person. To the other person, that hesitation reads as lukewarmness, and the relationship tends to drag on in an ambiguous state.

Write down “reasons to continue this relationship” in three lines. If you can't come up with three lines, that's your answer.

While you put off the decision, the other person will decide first. By then, the choice is no longer yours.

It's a time when cooperation with like-minded people happens naturally.

Among friends and coworkers, it becomes clear who you “click with,” and work you do as a pair goes well. It's a time for building deep trust with one person rather than with many, so it's fine if your gatherings are small.

Make a concrete proposal to one person about something you'd like to do together. Not “sometime,” but with a date.

When your heart leans toward one person, other relationships get neglected. The closer the two of you are, the less you should trade private remarks in front of others.

You find yourself caught between two people, or in a situation where you have to pick a side.

It takes the form of two friends fighting and you hearing it from both sides, or of two bosses at work giving conflicting instructions. In trying to satisfy both sides, you drift toward becoming someone both are disappointed in.

State it clearly in words: “I'm not on either side.” Silence reads as agreement to both.

The moment you pass what you heard from one side to the other, you stop being a mediator and become a party to the conflict.

It's a time when the right kind of certainty for deciding on marriage sets in.

If marriage is ahead, the feeling that “this person is the one” beats the checklist, and big decisions like meeting each other's families, setting a date, and finding a home fall into place all at once. If you're married, the sense that you're on the same team comes back to life, and you speak with one voice on housework and matters involving both families.

If you're not yet married, make one big decision together this month. If you are, actually say out loud, once, that you're “on the same side.”

The stronger your certainty, the more likely you are to skip over the relationship with your partner's family. Marriage is the choice of two people, but a household is the business of six.

Faced with the choice of marriage, your heart is divided, or as a couple you're standing on different sides.

It shows up as a long stretch where going ahead with the marriage feels wrong but not doing it feels like a loss, or, if you're married, as siding with your own family rather than your spouse on matters of in-laws, money, or children. Everything looks calm on the surface, but at every important moment you end up on different sides.

Each of you write down three “non-negotiables in marriage” and compare them. If not a single one overlaps, that's what you need to talk about first.

A marriage where the decision keeps getting put off is using up the other person's time. Put a deadline on “not yet.”

It's a time when the option your heart leans toward is also the right one for your money.

At crossroads like two job offers, two places to invest, or whether to buy or rent, if the numbers are similar, the sense that “this one feels right” becomes material for your judgment. It's also a good time to get on the same page about money with your spouse or business partner, so plans you make together run smoothly.

Write the numbers for both options side by side on one page, and only then pick the one your heart leans toward. The order matters.

In a relationship where you spend money together, “you decide” is the most expensive phrase there is. Make decisions about big purchases together.

You're putting off money decisions, or spreading yourself across two options so that neither pays off.

It takes the form of scattering money across several accounts without managing them, or of going back and forth about whether to buy until you end up buying after the price has gone up. Couples or business partners putting off money talk while each spends separately comes from the same root.

This week, finish one money decision you've put off for more than three months. The fact that you finished it changes the flow more than what you decided.

“A little of both” is often not diversification but a way of avoiding a decision.

It's a time when collaboration and partnership keep the work rolling.

The right partner appears for a project you'd been planning alone, or a deal where two departments or two companies join hands comes together. On issues where directions diverge, it's a time when most of the people in the meeting naturally lean “this way” and consensus forms.

Be the first to send a proposal that divides up the roles to the person you want to work with. “Could you take on this part?” gets an answer faster than “Let's work together.”

The better the partner fits, the more you put off the contract. Write down roles, revenue, and exit terms while things are good between you.

The direction splits in two and the team divides, or the plan drifts because no decision gets made.

It takes the form of being unable to decide which of two plans to push, so both move forward only halfway, or of a difference of opinion with a business partner spilling over into an emotional issue. “Let's just try both for now” becomes the most expensive decision in this period.

Push each of the two plans for just one week and compare them by the numbers. Experiments, not debates, produce decisions.

If you tell other team members about a conflict with your business partner first, sides will form. Go to the person directly first.