2 of Swords

A day when you want to put off, once again, a decision you need to make.

Feeling you'll lose something whichever of the two options you pick, you delay your reply and get through the day pretending not to see the problem. It looks calm on the outside, but the postponed decision keeps occupying a corner of your mind.

Write the two options on either side of a sheet of paper, and under each, note just one thing you'd lose by choosing it.

“Let me think about it a little more” easily becomes a way of saying you won't think about it. Set a deadline today.

A day when a decision you've been avoiding lands in front of you and can't be put off.

Information you didn't know may come in all at once, or someone presses you for an answer so you end up choosing today. Your head is crowded and time is short, so it's a day for finding the choice you'll regret least rather than the perfect one.

Narrow it down to the three pieces of information the decision truly needs, and set the rest aside for now.

If you reverse yourself right after choosing in a hurry, you lose trust. Stick with what you chose for at least a day.

A time when you leave the relationship stuck in place, unable to make up your mind.

You're torn between two people, or avoiding a conclusion about whether to continue this relationship. You don't raise uncomfortable topics so as not to fight, and it looks peaceful, but it's closer to a truce in which both of you have closed your hearts.

Choose one conversation you've been avoiding and start by saying “what I want” in one sentence.

While you postpone the decision, the other person is waiting too. Ambiguity becomes the longest pain for them.

A romance where feelings you'd ignored surface and a choice can no longer be avoided.

A hidden feeling gets found out, or your partner demands a clear answer and the deadlock breaks. It may also be that there's so much advice and information around you that you've lost track of your own heart.

Tune out others' opinions for a while and go by the person and the scenes that come to mind when you're alone.

An answer chosen in a rush out of anxiety easily becomes a reason to blame your partner later.

A time when you're caught between two people and can't take either side.

Two friends are fighting, or demands from family and coworkers collide, and in trying to stay neutral you end up disappointing both sides. Holding your tongue looks like consideration, but often you're actually avoiding making a judgment.

Even if you don't take sides, clearly state one position: “This is how I see it.”

If you say different things to each side, you become not a mediator but someone no one trusts.

A time when relationship problems you've put off all surface at once.

Conflicts you pretended not to see rise to the surface, and someone demands that you choose. It's also a situation where many people's accounts conflict and it's hard to judge whose is right.

Separate what you've confirmed yourself from what you've only heard secondhand. Judge only by what you've confirmed.

A decision meant to satisfy everyone satisfies no one.

A time when you both keep putting off important decisions about your marriage.

Things that must be settled at some point, like moving, plans for children, or issues with either family, are being covered up because you don't want to clash. If you're about to marry, you may be letting disagreements about the date or terms pass unspoken.

Pick one postponed decision, and each write down separately what you want and what you can concede, then compare.

If time passes without agreement, one side's way simply sets in place. By then it's too late to feel wronged.

A state where decisions the couple had covered up can no longer be put off.

Demands from either family or financial circumstances force a choice, or long-unspoken complaints burst out all at once. With so many people offering advice, the couple's own decision may also become blurred.

Before gathering others' opinions, reach a conclusion together first, and then tell your families.

If you cite your parents or friends as the reason for a decision, your spouse will feel no one is on their side.

A time when you put off decisions without looking closely at money problems.

You can't choose between two products or contract terms and are missing out on good terms, or you go about without opening statements you don't want to see. Not deciding is also a choice that costs something.

Make a table of the options you're comparing and fill in just three rows: cost, term, and cancellation terms.

While you deliberate, interest rates and terms change. A comparison without a deadline tends to end in a loss.

A state where money problems you've put off all demand to be dealt with at once.

Maturities, payment deadlines, and contract renewals overlap and force hurried decisions, or you look up so much information that you can't choose at all. You may also have to pick the less costly of two bad options.

Handle the one with the nearest deadline first. Write the rest on your calendar in order.

Signing without reading the terms because you're in a hurry leaves you with bigger problems.

A stage when work has stalled as you put off choosing between two directions.

Meetings repeat over which of two plans to adopt, and no one reaches a conclusion because no one wants to take responsibility. It may also look like being torn between a job offer and your current position, unable to commit to either.

First agree on three decision criteria, then score the options against them. Once the criteria are set, the answer comes quickly.

Under a leader who won't decide, the team starts moving in different directions.

A stage when postponed decisions pile up all at once and the burden grows.

External demands or deadlines force a choice, and there's so much data and opinion that the core gets blurred. Because the decision means giving up one side, no one comes away feeling good.

Add a separate “what we're giving up” section to the decision document and fill it in. Acknowledging what you lose speeds up the decision.

If you keep reversing decisions after making them, the team won't trust the next one.